Dear Admissions Director (Part 2)

Dear Admissions Director,


I’ve been thinking about this admissions process a little bit more after my first letter.

You see getting into school has turned into an educational ivory tower cage fight – starting in kindergarten and some places even earlier! I guess this is to weed out the weak. Today’s kids and parents need to be tough.  

I get it and I can handle this – we are on the five year pre-plan--pre-plan plan. I already blacked out the dates for all your open houses for the next five years for all levels of your school: lower, middle, and upper. My babysitters are already set up. I could go 5 more years into the future, but that would just be overkill. 

And, of course, we asked our newest, closest friend there for a recommendation and let you know that “Hey, we really like your school!” Although, through the grapevine, we heard our newest, closest friend told you that we thought “The admissions director drools.” Nooo, we don’t think that. Never! I am perplexed. There must have been a misunderstanding. I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact they also have a kid they are trying to get into the same school and grade. (Note to self: trust no one.)

My husband and I also realize the importance to know and understand your school before we even visit. Your website provides great information not to mention that when cross referenced with public data bases, Google, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter for school and administration staff you can really learn a lot about the people. (Wow, you crushing on Si Robertson? Really? Never would have guessed. Thought it would have been Willie, but Si is a good choice, too.) This is a much better than the outdated method of stealing borrowing school directories and yearbooks for a list of the school employees to memorize their faces so that when we saw them during a school tour we could give them a friendly shout out and hi-five.

By the way, I would like to make a suggestion about the open houses so you don’t waste your valuable time. Those parents who have questions during the Q&A session really don’t care what your answers are. All they hear is “waah, waah-waah” like Charlie Brown’s teachers talking. What they really want is you to see THEM all dressed up she-she-poo-poo. (Posers. Everybody knows that once you’re in, ALL the moms just wear workout clothes.) I would just omit the Q&A because if parents haven’t done their homework on social media, they just can’t be that interested and you are their back-up school.   

All this may give you the impression that all those families out there are neurotic with a sprinkle of OCD to top it off, well, you are just sooo perceptive because you are right. Those families ARE cra-zay! But, not us.   

It’s a battle field out there.

Sincerely,
Parent of an applicant